This leads to my plans in 2014, which is to not over think everything. Thus, having no plan at all. 2013 made me realize that serendipity is friendlier to me than my usual life plans. So this year, I’ll probably just go with the flow of my life’s turn of events. Anyway, I think it’s what I’m good at. Even with friends and family, I just always go with the flow. But this time, I’ll go with the flow in search for a constant. It doesn’t mean that I’ll stop living and not chase my dreams. Finding a life and myself, and fighting for my dreams are exactly what I ought to do.
In 2014, I am most likely to make more mistakes. I don’t want damage. I just want to break the constant cycle I was in where I kept my feelings to myself, pretended that I was on the same page just to please them, and been a hypocrite not only to others but also to myself because I was afraid to experience more sadness and disappointments. This year, I want to slowly teach myself to be brave in facing all those fears. If I have to get hurt a million times more I was at Christmas, then so be it. If they think I’m being awful, then I just have to let them be. I am not really changing and I don’t want to be bad. I am just realizing some hard stuff. I just don’t want to do nothing and be more confused. I need the rebellion Katniss did that brought change to Panem. I need to rebel against myself – who I think I am and got used to.
Perhaps life just knows great timing – both in a bad and good way. I was thinking about my faith and I was answered by questions. I don’t know. I’ll never know unless I’ll try. That is my goal and target starting this 2014.
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